I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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