My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
