arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
