the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dick very happy bro
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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