you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
