I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
