First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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