Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
