the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
