you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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