I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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