best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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