Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
