i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my liver is dry heaving
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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