A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
