He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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