I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
