I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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