Soap is not a condiment
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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