dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
