I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm always down for nudity.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
