Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
