his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
