Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
