Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't deserve a penis
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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