how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
