Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
