First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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