The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize