somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
