so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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