Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
