glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
