Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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