Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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