I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
