I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
