Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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