then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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