you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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