Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You need a sexual gate keeper
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
