u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
