upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
