I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize