I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
