Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
