i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
