It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sext me about skeletons
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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