It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
