Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
