I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
