Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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