I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize