So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
