bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
either way he was missing a nipple.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
