Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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