My hand turned me down
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
