I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
