I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
