your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize