I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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