8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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