: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
