Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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