THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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