its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
