kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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