I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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